Grief Revisited

Curious Niles

Today I got an email from someone on Facebook where I had posted an ad about my beloved orange tabby, Niles.  Niles slipped out of the house early one morning when my son, Chris, opened the sun room door to take out his dog.  By the time I discovered he was gone, six hours had passed.  We posted flyers and made signs.  I posted ads online and in local papers.  Put a litter box, food and his favorite blanket outside.  I changed the food every day.  I even left the sun room door open all night for five nights so he could get in if we were sleeping.  Every time I opened the door to let Jenny, my dog, out, I called his name.  I felt trapped in my wheelchair, unable to go out and look for him, dependent on others.  I hired someone to make the signs and it took her two weeks!  My stomach was in knots.  I even hired a dog finder who was scheduled to come and search for him, but we found him (we thought), bloated, by the side of the road not far from where we live the day before she was due to arrive.  We had him cremated. That was two and a half months ago.

Today I talked with someone who found an orange tabby about two miles from our house. She said he had cuts on his ears and was very dirty.  And he is very friendly, just like Niles. I sent her pictures of Niles.  She said she believes he looks like the cat she found.  She is willing to show him to us if we can come and look.  Karen, my sweet niece who is here from Arizona, said she would work it in (she is with her sister, Susie, who is in the latest stages of cancer).  Chris works all day but said he would go if Karen was unable to. He warns me not to get my hopes up. I know, but …..

Did we make a mistake when we assumed the cat we found was Niles?  I so want this one to be him.  This call has brought back all the old grief and it’s like Niles just now disappeared.  If I was still driving, I’d have been over there by now.  It’s so frustrating,  having to give in to old age and ailments.  Hard to stay positive.