A Special Day

Today is Ken’s birthday.  He would have been 58.  How tortured he must have been that he could no longer live in this world.  It’s been three years since he decided to take his life.  The world seems so empty on these special days.


“How Not to Die”

The book arrived from Amazon Sunday.  “How Not to Die” by Michael Greger, M.D.  My favorite topic: health and nutrition.   Dr. Greger presents scientific evidence that a plant based diet will not only prevent disease, but also reverse it.  He shows what to eat for specific diseases and he gives a checklist of foods we should eat every day, which he calls ‘the daily dozen.’

Convinced that food is the best medicine for healing, I’ve been collecting a library of books on the subject for years.  Two of my favorite experts are Dr. Dean Ornish and Dr. Weil.   I’ve followed the DASH diet, Paelo and Gaps.  I have shelves and shelves of books on Hashimoto’s, hypothyroidism, diabetes, heart disease, and a large mix of others on general health.  I acquired two degrees in nursing and became a nurse practitioner.  I’ve combed the internet and collected additional information.

I guess I’ve always been interested in how to be and stay healthy.  I was a sickly child.  Had scarlet fever, rheumatic fever, strep throats, pneumonia, and all the childhood diseases.   Rheumatic Fever left me with a mitral valve prolapse, and consequently, occasional paroxysmal atrial tachycardia.  I’ve had other problems as an adult.

I’m in my 90th year, and I’m still searching for ways to keep on living.  It’s been my main focus in life, while two of my sons chose to end theirs.

I wouldn’t say my adult life has been a happy one; far from it, yet, you’ll find me kicking and screaming all the way to the grave. I’ve made mistakes, have regrets.   I’ve closed the door on sorrow and love, lost faith and hope.  Yet, I jealously guard my right to occupy space in this world.  Why?  What do I have to live for?

I know there’s beauty in the world and I want to experience it before I die.  I want to feel again.  I want to do some good.  I want my existence, and all existence, to have meaning.   I want to accomplish what I was put in this world to accomplish.

One thing I do believe, without reservation, is the body’s ability to heal itself. Perhaps I can build on that and find my way once more to an open door.